Get her back

Get Her Back - But She's Dating Someone New?   by victor

in Relationships    (submitted 2011-09-24)

If the love of your life has walked out on you and is now dating someone new, can you get her back? Of course it's possible to get her back. Should you get her back? Now that I will leave for a future conversation. Let's talk about her dating someone new.
Now depending on how long you have been separated it's very likely the new relationship is nothing more than a rebound relationship. This type of relationship is her way of validating herself. It tells her she is OK. She is simply allowing herself to have this new relationship to keep from having to deal with the emotions she too is experiencing.
And therein lies the key that will actually help you get her back. She's in this new relationship to deal with losing you.
The reason she left will have to be dealt with eventually, most likely you have some changing to do, some things about yourself that you may need to improve upon. But at this point what matters is not why she left, or even who called the thing off. Whats important is the fact you experienced a real love.
Practically any relationship built on real love can be salvaged. Now only you can determine if it should be salvaged, but that is a different subject.
Back to the rebound. She is most likely focusing on what she perceives to be the problem in your relationship. I'm guessing she is now seeing someone totally different than you?
And this is good news for you for a couple of reasons.
1) If she is now into someone totally opposite of you, you can be assured she is still thinking of you. Her attention is still on you as she examines this contrast in styles. She is checking out the greener grass is all for now.
2) Based on the type of guy you are and taking a look at the kind of guy she is seeing now should give you some insight into what she thinks the problem with your relationship is. You can take this time to improve yourself in those areas.
Just relax and let the rebound run its course. They never last long. Think about it, she was attracted enough in you and your traits to fall in love with you once. Those are the traits she desires. She will soon see the flaws in this new fling, it's temporary - he doesn't possess those traits she desires - you do. You'll soon be looking good to her again.
Here some thoughts on to handle this situation:
* Do not plead with her and try to convince you are the love of her life. That you are the only one that is right for her. It is much more powerful to let her find this out on her own.
* Do not apologize. Now, if you really pulled some bone head move - Say you're sorry once - sincerely mean it and then drop it. It does not come up again.
* Do not under any circumstances make verbal promises to change. Words are meaningless to her right now. Show her you have changed.
* Do not cast blame onto her or yourself. She will come to decide on her own as long as you don't force her to defend herself.
* DO NOT EVER BEG! This only proves that she was right in leaving you. No woman wants someone who's self-esteem is so low as to beg. Please just trust me on this one. This is just not cool.
If you would additional information on the above pointers a great reference is Ex2 - System and much more information can be found on that subject there.
If your ex is going out with someone during your break up do not freak out, it's very likely it is nothing more than a rebound. And they can actually work in your favor and make it easier to get her back.
This new guy is doing more than making you look better. But don't simply sit around twiddling your thumbs during this period. Start making those improvement to make yourself look even better. Remember your traits she was initially attracted to - Improve those to get her back.

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